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Animals, Books, Soap and Who You Really Are

How weird a title is that then? Doesn’t it make you want to read on? That’s totally what primary school teachers say… Read more about that in a sec. Interesting.

My sister was reading a book she’d got today and (for some reason) it included this ‘puzzle’, I’m not sure what to call it. She told me it and I found it very weird. Try it now.

OK, think of three of your favourite animals (in order of preference) and why you like them. If you don’t like animals, do ones you’d most want to live on an island with. Got your three animals? OK, now look down.

The first one means what you think of yourself.

The second one means what others think of you.

The third one means what you really are like. (See the title, the last bit ‘Who You Really Are’)

I chose these animals: fish because they taste nice and are cool, lizards because they are really cool and lemurs because they have awesome tails. So… that means I think I taste nice and I’m cool, people think I’m really cool and I actually have… an awesome tail. OK. As far as I know, I don’t have a tail. Or am I a mutant?

Which makes me think of something that has nothing to do with anything. When the world collapses on itself (not the actual world, the people in it), the planet is gonna be so polluted people may evolve really quickly and maybe grow gills or something! Or the world leaders will breed the remaining humans and animals who have survived the fall of the world. Oh my gosh, it’s gonna be madness! Hopefully it won’t happen when I’m alive.

Another point, speaking of alive… You know in books, when they talk about someone writing a letter and it says something like ‘I won’t be alive when you read this’. Isn’t that scary? Imagine writing something, knowing you’re gonna die! It’s like writing your own death sentence!! Scary. Freaky. It doesn’t really, but it makes you think how short and insignificant humans really are.

I mean, compared to everything else in the world, humans are a stain, invaders, destroyers! The Universe has been around for BILLIONS of years, and humans have only been around for like 3 million (I think). So we think we know all there is to know about the world, but the Universe is so MASSIVE and we are so STUPID we really have no idea about anything. Like, there are trillions of stars and we only have actually seen a TINY amount of those. Humans are kind of ‘invaders’ onto Earth. All those ancient creatures were living peacefully and suddenly, dun dun DUN! Humans appear and begin to build and create things. They build and destroy and build and get caught up in problems and destroy… Argh! And you know, thinking about disasters like money and things, that’s NO ONE else’s fault but OURS, the humans! It’s not like a natural problem. If humans had never existed would the world be a mass of forests? Or would another species rise up, learn to speak and learn skills like ours? Imagine if stronger animals like lions managed to conquer?! Seriously, humans are basically ruining the world. They’re like ‘There’s not enough oil in the world’. There is MORE than enough, but it’s just we waste loads of tons of it in our cars! Whose fault is it? OURS. There are less forests in the world. Whose fault is it? OURS. Weird to think about, isn’t it?

Oh gosh, this isn’t even what this post is supposed to be about. Next topic!

At dinner (tacos!) we were discussing our favourite book genres (weird word to say for me!!). I like historical fiction, maybe stuff about a ‘dystopian future’ (I think that’s what it’s called). My sister likes real life. But why read about a life you already live? I think I know what it’s like to go to school, if you ask me. But reality-based stuff is much easier and more fun to write, cos you don’t have to research or make up things based on real science or whatever. You just write about yourself, and it’s easier to relate to, so you can invent weird characters in a normal school.

Writing ‘It’s easier to relate to’ made me feel quite sick. It’s sickening when teacher’s pets say that in English class. Bleh. And I hate it when the teachers talk about ‘Make your first paragraph really exciting, so people want to read on’. But I don’t honestly care what my first one is like. I don’t think most writers sit in front of their computers for weeks, thinking about a few sentences! I just get on with it, let my fingers move and make words, like I’m doing now. And I hate it when you’re ‘breaking down’ books in English, when the teacher stops you just as you’re in the middle of a paragraph and asks, ‘What was good about that?’ and the teacher’s pet is like ‘I liked the descriptive words, it really made you want to read on.’ Yuck, gross! It also annoys me when books and magazines try to be all ‘down with the kids’ by saying stuff like ‘Cringe! Got any goss for us? Txt us!’. And when OLD DECREPIT writers use old-fashioned words, like Jacqueline Wilson, saying (I quote exactly): ‘Oh do say yes, it would be such fun!’. To be honest, that reminds me of Enid Blyton books, which, in case you didn’t know, are REALLY OLD. And my quote was from The Longest Whale Song, published 2010. Recently! Argh! Btw, I HATE Jacqueline Wilson’s books. So, what’s your favourite book genre?

OK, next topic. I feel like moving on. Soap. I was… in the bathroom, and I saw in ingredients on a bottle of soap. And I was kinda ‘What? Ew!’ cos I had no idea what some of the stuff was. It had LONG names on the ingredients list. And I was thinking ‘Do I really want to put this stuff on my hands to kill germs? It sounds more like an illegal drug if you ask me!’ (Wow, I have like 1030 words!) I read off a toothpaste packet earlier, ‘cocomidaryl betaine’ or something. Now what is that? Here’s a tasty little one from a washing up liquid: ‘nitropropane’. Uh… I thought propane was flammable or explosive? I don’t wanna eat food off something that’s been washed in something explosive! I hope it’s totally safe though. I really do.

Last thing, not mentioned in the title. Another topic! In English, we were looking at a poem called ‘My Box’ or something. It’s about a lady who has a box made by her lover with books in it, where she’s recorded days spent with him. I was just thinking, maybe he died or something, and that’s why she was writing about it? I dunno. And anyway, the teacher asked us, before we read about what was in the box, what we thought would be in it. I said ‘Shortbread’ cos the poem reminded me of Scotland. Actually, it reminded me of a hazy lazy summer all in sepia with young Scottish lovers frolicking about in a field of tall grass. My mind works weirdly. I personally hated the poem. But we had to write what we’d put in our box. I said I’d put… no! Not photos of a long-lost relative! No! Not a diary of the old days! No! Not anything serious, sympathetic or important! I’d put MONEY and my MEMORY STICK! I mean, when I die, I want some people to open the box, see what’s on my memory stick and take the money to use. And, I did want to put in something mysterious so people are like ‘Why did she put that in there?’ but in my poem, I couldn’t write: ‘I’d put in something mysterious, something people would ask about, maybe something people would say to: ‘Why did she put that in there?’ Thank you! Please, contain your applause! Just joking. What would you put in your box? Do you already have one? What’s in it?

OK, I’m finally done. SORRY if your eyes are burning, stinging, singed or hurting after reading that LONG post. My hands are tired after writing all of that anyway! It’s taken me AGES! Like, at least 30 minutes! Wow! I hope you liked it!

Your tired writing blogger, Jaz

PS. I have 1423 words!

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One comment on “Animals, Books, Soap and Who You Really Are

  1. […] This post is one of my longest, just shorter than this one (which says there are like 1036 words, but there are actually 1423 […]

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